The Elven Diaries
by mahrie
Summary: The diaries of the Elves in LOTR. Vaguely VSD-ish(by Cassie Claire) but i swear the ideas for the elves' diary entries and their random ramblings are MINE, all MINE, muahahahaha. the Authoress laughs evilly and runs away


This Elven diary belongs to Celeborn, Lord of Lothlorien 

**DAY ONE. **

**05 00 hr. **Woke up really early. Realized that there was a severe lack of _lembas _supply, and in a frenzy called the royal chefs to make some, but to no avail. Where _could_ the chefs be?

**05 15 hr. **Found the chefs. Am proud to announce that they have started baking chocolate-flavoured _lembas_ and after Galadriel's incessant complaining and whining, decided that fat-free _lembas _was workable.

**05 30 hr. **Looked at myself in the mirror once, twice. Am I not gorgeous? Pity nobody loves me as much as they love Galadriel. WHYYYY?

**05 35 hr. **I swear I am more beautiful than Galadriel.

**05 45 hr. **Went to find Haldir. Traipsing through the Golden Wood must be fun. Pity I am the Lord of Lothlorien, and do not have to do so.

**05 50 hr. **Haldir has a lot of fun walking around. I think I want to be a March Warden too. Except that would mess up the PERFECT silver blonde hair, shock horror.

**06 00 hr. **Have to do my daily make-up and dressing session. Must look perfect, in case some mortal walks past Lothlorien and drops his jaw at my absolute immaculate perfection.

**06 10 hr. **I do love Ermenegildo Zegna! I realize that the new suit makes me look so posh, but elven robes are much more comfortable. Which to wear? So many clothes, so little chance to wear them all...

**06 15 hr. **Looked at thefree samples of soap and cream. Bubbles flew all over the bathroom, I do love bubble bath!

**06 30 hr. **Combing my hair.

**06 35 hr. **Hear rapping on bathroom door. Tap tap tap. Must be my own overimaginative imagination

**06 40 hr. **I hear shouting.

**06 55 hr. **Oops. Galadriel knocking on bathroom door. Must stop preening and combing hair with fingers...I can't help it, you know, the silvery blond is just so vogue nowadays. I heard that even King Thanduril of Mirkwood is getting his hair dyed silvery blonde, and look at all the wizards. See? Silvery blonde is the new black! At least, I learnt that from Galadriel's _Cosmolorien_.

**07 00 hr. **Received urgent message from Elrond. Gandalf is gone. Rest of the fellowship heading our way. Oh dear. Need to make more _lembas_ and be nice to dwarves and elves and men. ESPECIALLY the Dwarves, for I have to seem a gracious host here in lovely Lothlorien.

**07 50 hr. **Elrond didn't tell me when they would be arriving.

**08 00 hr. **Motley crew still not here yet. Can hear Legolas singing from here, but do not see anyone, not even with my spyglasses.

**08 05 hr. **What if they got lost in the woods of Lothlorien? What if Haldir shot them? What if they fell into the River Celebrant? What if...

**08 10 hr. **Realized that I was hyperventilating and panicking in an extremely un-elvish manner. Shock horror.

**08 15 hr. **Must calm down, must calm down, must calm down...

**09 00 Hr. **They have arrived. Notice little dwarf eyeing Galadriel. Why doesn't anyone like me??

**09 05 hr. **Legolas tossing hair and prancing around. My hair's prettier than HIS. His hair is still that -passé- BLONDE. Hah. The many benefits of reading _Cosmolorien_.

**09 15 hr. **I'd willingly dance a jig and get everyone to stare at ME than at Galadriel.

**09 20 hr. **I like the hobbits. Positively adorable creatures by nature. Some work could be done on them and their looks, though. Will make an appointment for them with my hairdresser and dietician and makeup artist...

**09 25 hr. **Have concluded that the dwarf is insane. Frankly, a dwarf holds no light to an elf, so therefore I conclude that he ought to stop staring at Galadriel.

**09 30 hr. **Do hobbits _never _stop eating?

**09 45 hr. **I wish the day would pass more quickly. All day long I see hobbits singing Shire songs, ONE dwarf smiling at my wife, Legolas tossing -passé!- blonde hair, mortals flirting with him – I long for some peace!

**AFTER A VERY VERY LONG TIME. **

**19 15 hr. **Dinner is served. I watch hobbits wolfing down food as if they haven't been fed in years. Don't they ever watch their weight? And for the sake of the Valar, wear shoes.

**19 50 hr. **Walked around the Golden Wood. It is beautiful in the night as it is in the day. Haldir by my side, staring at me adoringly?. It's nice to know that someone still gives me ALL DUE RESPECT. It's been so long.

**20 00 hr. **I suggested the hobbits get some rest and sleep. They have a long day ahead, long, long _days_ ahead, in fact.

**20 30 hr. **I thought the hobbits were supposed to be asleep? See Samwise Gamgee behaving in a suspicious manner. The Ringbearer is gone!

**20 35 hr. **Gamgee is v. suspicious of Galadriel. Just realized that Ringbearer gone to look in fancy silver-trimmed mirror with Galadriel. I swear I always miss out on all the fun.

**20 45 hr. **Must brush hair. Found an unsightly tangle roughly the diameter of an ant in my hair. I scream in horror as I find Legolas Greenleaf skulking around in the royal hair care room, holding a suspiciously purple bottle. Gasps.

**20 50 hr. **Must have a talk to good old King Thanduril soon. Wonder what he's been doing to that son of his.

**21 00 hr. **Ought to turn in soon. Would like to be up and early to see the Fellowship go. They're really terribly sweet people, actually.

**DAY TWO. **

**05 30 hr. **Did not wake up as early as I would have liked.

**05 45 hr. **Am v. amused at little object Prince of Mirkwood has left in the bathroom. An amusingly overused hair straightener. So the Prince doesn't have naturally straight locks to begin with, then...

**05 50 hr. **What a scandal.

**06 00 hr. **Fellowship leaving soon. Performing long and dreary souvenir-presenting ceremony now.

**06 10 hr. **Awful lot of precious objects being given away. And the light of Eärendil! Elven daggers! Box of earth from Lothlorien! Galadriel's hair!

**06 15 hr. **Stupid dwarf. Insolent fool. Lacking of the appreciation of fine beauty. Asking for Galadriel's hair but not MINE.

**06 20 hr. **They're gone. On OUR ships, nonetheless. Sniff.


End file.
